Phil or Felix?
by NerdyDakota
Summary: When Dan decides to visit PewDiePie but tells Phil he doesn't want him coming along, it causes Phil to worry about their friendship, and it makes him even more worried when Dan doesn't come back that night, but at about one in the morning he gets a notification that explains everything. (PewDiePie x Dan with eventual Phan) WARNINGS: Attempted suicide


**A/N: Well, I obviously have an obsession with writing Dan and Phil fanfiction. Sorry! I just get ideas too easily. I can be reading or writing and I'm like "FANFICTION TIME" and I have to write it. I actually have a Google Docs document labeled "Fanfiction Ideas". Idek, okay? I have nothing to lose. Before you tell me Dan and Phil only go live at certain times, this is fanfiction. And there is a Dan/PewDiePie ship (why, I have absolutely no idea, I could've chosen any other YouTuber and I chose the most subscribed, idek). I swear I don't ship it it's just for the plotline of the story. I… don't… think Dan's… going to ditch Phil for… *cough cough* PewDiePie *cough cough*… like, at all. Don't worry, there's Phan later into it. Anyway, bye.**

"Hey, Phil, I'm going to visit Felix," said Dan. He and Phil were on the couch. Abruptly Dan got off the couch and took his laptop to his room. Phil followed him.

"Can I come?" he asked, watching his friend put things in his completely black backpack.

"Nah, I think I just want a Dan and Felix day," said Dan. "Sorry, mate."

"Oh, okay," said Phil. He sounded disappointed. "Well, have a good time. Tell him I said hi."

"'Kay," said Dan. "Please don't get anymore houseplants while I'm out. I don't want the apartment to turn into a forest."

"Bye," said Phil. Dan kissed his forehead. "Have fun."

"You too," said Dan. He left and Phil went to his room. A little bit later Dan texted Phil. It said "going live if you want to watch". Phil ran to his room and grabbed his laptop, going to YouNow. Dan was doing the live show with Felix, and of course Phil started watching it.

"Felix, don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of Phil please," said Dan. Phil sighed with relief. "He's probably watching."

"By 'not do in front of Phil' do you mean something like this?" said Felix, taking a rolling pin and hitting Dan in the crotch with it. Phil winced.

"Ow!" shouted Dan. "Yes, exactly that!"

"'Kay," said Felix, giggling slightly.

"Okay, Felix, go change your name to PewDiePieisnotamazing now," said Dan.

Phil laughed. Felix messed up Dan's fringe, which now looked like Dan had been out in the wind for half an hour.

"Thanks for that, Pewds," said Dan. Phil decided he wasn't in the mood to watch Dan's live show so he left. He called a cab to take him to an animal shelter. He didn't adopt anything but he got to hold a few of the kittens and puppies. After that he went to the store to buy some more cereal for Dan and some of the same cereal for himself so he wasn't stealing Dan's. A little while later, Phil decided to film a video.

"Hey, guys!" he said as the video started. "So Dan went to visit Felix, also known as PewDiePie, so I thought I would do a what I do when I'm at the apartment alone."

Phil took the camera off the tripod.

"Let's hope I don't drop the camera," he said as he left his room. He continued to film himself for another half hour, then he edited it and uploaded it. At the same time, a video went up on Felix's channel. He decided he would watch it later. For lunch he went to Burger King, where he met a few fans.

"Where's Dan?" one of them asked.

"Visiting good, ol' PewDiePie," said Phil. He didn't notice he sounded jealous until someone asked him if he was jealous.

"No, I'm just not used to being left alone while Dan visits other YouTubers," said Phil. He left immediately after he was done eating. He went back to the apartment and relaxed on his bed. He got so bored without Dan around. He started messing with his fringe, which he almost immediately fixed. Then he grabbed his laptop and watched Felix's video.

"Hello, internet!" said Dan after Felix introduced him. Phil missed Dan too much. He shut his laptop and went to sit on the sofa. It was empty without Dan. He turned on an anime and again, he felt alone watching it without Dan. Later, Phil was getting ready for bed. It was almost midnight and still Dan hadn't come back.

"It's fine, he's probably just staying up as late as he can with Felix," Phil whispered to himself as he got into bed. "He'll be back soon."

Phil fell asleep, and about an hour later he woke up. He found he didn't get much sleep without Dan around. He noticed his phone vibrate and looked at it.

"Dan Howell has mentioned you in a tweet," it said. Phil checked it. It was a retweet of a tweet from Felix, and it had a picture of Dan kissing Felix attached. Dan's tweet said "I'm sorry Phil". Phil's eyes were watering. He grabbed a bottle of wine and sunk to the floor.

 _If he were truly sorry he would've told me in person_ , said a voice in Phil's head. He knew it was true. He was blown up with other tweets from fans. He cried himself to sleep.

O0O0O

Phil woke up to sobbing from Dan's room. Phil didn't move from his room; he would explode yelling if he did. Dan went to his room before Phil even got out of bed.

"Phil —" he started.

"Leave me alone," said Phil. "I'm not going to talk to some asshole who was inconsiderate of his best friend's feelings."

"Phil, I'm sorry!" said Dan.

"Then why didn't you come back and tell me you were instead of tweeting it?" said Phil, letting tears fall down his face and into his sheets. "Go back to Felix's if you're going to kiss him behind my back."

"Phil — I swear I'm sorry!"

Phil didn't answer. Dan started crying. He went back to his room. Phil went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. As quickly as he could he went back to his room. He started crying worse than before. He swept the blade across the under part of his forearm and scarlet drops started to form on his skin. He let his arm bleed onto his pants. He fell asleep and didn't wake up until three in the afternoon.

O0O0O

About a week later Phil had more scars than he could count. He decided he couldn't live on with Dan still kissing PewDiePie every time he visited him. He put the knife he'd been using against his neck. Tears started falling down his face. He quickly brought it across it, falling to the ground and crying. He went unconscious after a couple minutes.

O0O0O

"Phil, I'm back," said Dan not much later. He expected an answer even though he was currently not in a good position with Phil. "Phil? Phil!"

Dan walked into Phil's room and his eyes started watering.

"PHIL!" he shouted. "Phil, wake up!"

Dan took out his phone and called an ambulance. He checked Phil for a pulse. It was barely there.

"I can't lose you, Phil," he whispered into his friend's chest. He put Phil's head in his lap and noticed that Phil's neck had a deep, long cut in it.

"No, Phil," he whispered. "I need you…"

Dan heard footsteps. He started sobbing uncontrollably. Immediately some medics ran into Phil's room.

"Do you know what happened?" said one of them, looking at Dan.

"No," he replied. "I don't even know —"

Then he realised what he'd done to make Phil attempt suicide.

"I need to go see a friend of mine quickly," he said. "Please make sure he's okay, I don't know what I'd do without him."

Dan left and phoned a cab. He went to Felix's.

"Hey, Dan," he said. "Are you okay?"

"No," said Dan. "Felix, we need to talk."

"About what?" said Felix; he looked genuinely innocent.

"Phil."

"Why is an ambulance coming from the direction of your apartment?"

"Phil attempted suicide and it's because of us," said Dan.

Felix gasped.

"You aren't serious?" he said, looking at Dan.

"I am," answered Dan. "If you're going to keep posting pictures of us kissing on Twitter and Instagram —"

"I don't put things on Instagram."

"— I can't be friends with you anymore."

"But I like being friends with you," said Felix. "We'll finish talking later. Go see how Phil's doing. I don't want to take him from you anymore."

"Thanks, Felix," said Dan. He took a cab to the hospital. He went to Phil's room and was relieved to see that he was conscious. "Phil!"

"Leave me alone, Dan," said Phil.

"Phil, I —" started Dan, but Phil interrupted.

"I don't care," he said as he sat up. "You obviously prefer to spend time with Felix instead of your best friend."

"Phil, it's not like that," said Dan.

"Yeah, right," said Phil.

"No, I swear it's not like that," said Dan.

"Would you just leave me alone?" said Phil, glaring at Dan with watering eyes. "I'm moving out when I get out of here anyway!"

Dan broke. He started to cry and ran out of Phil's hospital room. Phil layed on his side and started to cry too.

"Why'd I say that?" he whispered. One of the nurses walked in to check on him.

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking at Phil closely.

"Yeah," he answered. "I'm fine."

"You're sure?" the nurse said.

"Yeah," said Phil. "I'm positive."

The nurse left. Phil then noticed he could see Dan. He'd curled up in a chair outside Phil's hospital room.

"Dan," said Phil. "Dan. Daniel James Howell!"

"Leave me alone," said Dan.

"No, come here," said Phil. Dan reluctantly got up and went into Phil's hospital room.

"What do you want?" he asked, glaring at his friend.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't've acted the way I did. I can't move out, I'm too irresponsible to live on my own, and I get lonely too easily," said Phil.

"Thanks," said Dan. "Were you actually considering moving out, though?"

"Of course not! Sure, it gets lonely without you around but wouldn't move out just because of it!" said Phil.

"I don't know what I was thinking," said Dan. "I'm going to take a break from visiting Felix for a while, I'm not going to lose you just because of a tiny mistake that never should've happened."

"Are you going to tell him?" asked Phil.

"On one hand, he'd wonder what's wrong and probably get hurt emotionally if I didn't, but on the other, I think he should get punished for making my best friend attempt to kill himself," said Dan. "So no, I won't. Maybe he'll learn something from it. I'm going out for a little bit, I'll be back soon."

"'Kay, see you later, then," said Phil. Dan left. He got in a cab and went to a store.

"That's cute," he whispered to himself as he looked at the price tag on a five-foot-tall stuffed lion. "A hundred and ten pounds. Oh, well. It'll be worth it." He smiled to himself as he grabbed the lion and took it to buy it. He stopped by the apartment and put it on Phil's bed. He then went back to the store and bought some blue roses for Phil. He went back to the hospital and went to Phil's room.

"Hey, Dan," he said, smiling.

"Hi," said Dan. "I have something for you. Well, two things, but one's at the apartment. I won't give it to you before you get out, but I know you'll love it."

"What are you giving me now?" asked Phil, turning slightly pink. Dan turned bright red and took the roses out from behind his back. Phil gasped and covered his mouth.

"I wanted to get you some in a colour I know you'd like, so I got blue ones." He walked over to Phil, who hugged him tightly.

"Thank you," he whispered. Dan hugged him back and Phil started crying softly into Dan's shoulder. "I never should've hurt myself. I let my jealousy get to me. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," said Dan. "It's my fault, I shouldn't have told you I was seeing Felix anyway. If anyone should be sorry it's me."

"Dan, friends don't lie to each other," said Phil.

"It wasn't so much a lie it was more of a secret," said Dan. "But you're right. I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have been seeing him in the first place."

"You think? I am in the hospital because of it," said Phil. "I'm sorry for calling you an asshole, by the way."

"It's fine," said Dan. "Anyway, here are your roses."

Phil then kissed Dan, whose eyes stayed open in pure shock. When Phil pulled back he looked at Dan.

"I love you," he told him. "As more than a friend. That's why I was so jealous."

"I love you, too," said Dan. "And thanks for telling me."

"Why were you with Felix then?" asked Phil.

"I don't know, I guess I thought you'd reject me or something," said Dan, chuckling.

"I'm not going to reject you," said Phil.

"Remember that one time on Internet News when I said 'It takes two hundred and twenty-four tweets for a couple to fall in love. Apparently.'?"

"Yep. Remember how I predicted my future?" said Phil.

"Yeah," said Dan. "'He is very quick to love or hate.'"

"I'm glad it happened. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't met you," said Phil.

O0O0O

About two weeks later Phil was released from the hospital. Dan had him close his eyes as he led Phil to his room.

"Can I open them now, Dan?" he said, laughing as Dan knocked over a chair.

"Not yet," said Dan. They got to Phil's room, where Phil's new lion was waiting for him. "Now you can."

Phil opened his eyes and gasped.

"You got that for me?" said Phil, gaping at Dan.

"Yeah," said Dan.

"Thank you so much, Dan!" said Phil, almost shouting.

"You're welcome," said Dan, watching as Phil ran to his bed and hugged the lion. He took out his phone and took a picture of Phil cuddling the lion, putting it on Instagram with the caption, "Phil loves the lion I got him, can you tell?"

Dan slept next to Phil that night, while Phil was cuddling the giant lion.

 **A/** **N: I'm terrible at endings. I'm sorry but I am. At least Phil lived (unlike basically every other Phanfiction I've either written or am currently working on, don't ask). Okay, that was a lie (the thing in parentheses). Okay, bye.**


End file.
